Not Much Has Changed In Her...

Adventure" whim in her eye pools everyday and she does kindle all the naught out of you with just a wink, even now. She doesn't grand anything easily, be it at the verge of eternity. "Hope" looks at her with such long  longing, while "fear" awes in desperation. She keeps them both only at that "distance" till date. "Space " she needs from all and that has been so till now. "Time" yearns to stay little longer with her and she shows no sign of "Mercy". "Patience" would find his place right at the tip of her nose, ready to fall and break anytime during her deep sigh. "Arrogance" and "Pride" has overgrown her height and yet, not much has changed in her. "Smile" still sits heavenly on her lips and that same "Warmth" is somewhere latent between the gap of her lashes and lids.

Though  that "Smudge of Kajal" is now missing from her dark smoky eye line, not much has changed in her.....

A prequel to our daylight

Inspired from ROMA I write,
with much delight, a prequel to our daylight...

I understand your every worldly plight,
and try not to bother against my might.
Because I do not have enough foresight,
nor could I set the lost past upright.
Now that I see dreams crashing over night,
I continue holding on to abyss tight.
For I fail to curb my burning appetite,
and only wish to sit beside you in quite.
To transmit power, shouldering pain in spite,
Here I am, waiting for our another fresh daylight.

To: The controller, Disaster Board of Examinations

Respected  Disaster board of Examinations,

This is to bring to your kind notice that there is serious increase in causalities and failing people, year on year due to poor education system and flaw in your exam patterns. I, on behalf of the entire disaster stuck council, am writing to you requesting  changes in your disaster exam structure . Listed below are our obligations for your actions please.

A Common syllabus

 If it’s a common test, there needs to be a common syllabus! Its globalization era dude.  So grow up and give us everything that we need everywhere and then take test. Don’t pocket your resources and leave us to ponder. A broken bottle of elixir or an habituating venom, divide and give to us in stake. Because our teacher forgot to teach us how to share!

Pre announced exam time table

 Train us all with one skill at a time! Building bridges, digging wells or fighting fire are entirely different concepts and hence not to be graded simultaneously during the same season. You flood a portion of yours, suck every drop of water from another, burn down jungle elsewhere and still expect us to survive on you whole ? So please, at least tell us what exam it is next, so that we will be well prepared.  

Relaxed exam time

You know how big the textbook these days are. If there is so much to study, of course! there is gonna be enough to write. We haste and scribble and are still not completing your entire exams paper. I seriously request from our entire council to give us enough time to de-silt your bed, built boats and dams, bore well, gather funds and prepare enough bund to hold your rains. You, in no time ring the bell and drain blood down from every face on the open exam ground.

Open book test

Next is the request for an open book test. We have grown up googling brother!  Be it a scorching sun or irresistible tide, we can easily pass if you don’t do shut down our network signals. But you do that as the first thing and make our assessments ever more harder.

No” Out-of-syllabus” questions please!

You are already screwing up hard even if the Deccan dries or Bramaputra  floods. Out of no where why do you bring in new new questions and hardships every year. We are all simple humans with nominal IQ’s. So kindly be merciful on us to first teach and then take test.

Looking forward for your kind consideration and get a positive revert from your end on this regard!

Yours faithfully

Just another exam feared student

And This Distant Music Shall Never Fade

On a phenomenal day even if did the sun desist

 to burn and forgo her blaze,

Her light would not relinquish its radiance 

and her charm shall never melt.

Even the earth, if lose her left over patience 

and the inner fire of her’s suffice,

Her eternal love would not hurt 

and its essence shall never evaporate.

Even if the moon turns clear with no craters 

and cease to take changing phase,

Her wildness would not distort 

and her warmth shall never separate.

Even if the oceans undress her depth 

and summon back her every unceasing wave,

Her secrets would not untangle 

and her grace shall never degrade.

And even if nature get aged 

and all her greens turn grey,

Her symphony would not tame 

and this distant music shall never fade.

In memory of my Rajathi..

You built a mystic world for me and almost effortlessly became my home. A world that was naive and biased. Biased in favour of me. Where everything was absolute and understood. Where , even most fragile of beings would gain strength, simply by thy touch, by thy glare, and now.. by thy memory.

Vision did fade from those oceanic eyes, but it still flared with voice! Your raw and recklessly hanging wrinkles which i used to pull and play, your protruding green veins, countable strands of hair, your hard grown nails and rubber tooth, your suspicious stare, your body wobbling laughter, your sitting and sleeping, your slow reading, your pathetic singing, your eye flooding giggle, your shy, your tickle and every miniscule detail of your top to toe housed such high degree of cuteness that any fastidious creature would easily fall and sink into!

 Alas! What a loss  for thy precious five stone mookuthi! Instead of shining up on your nose, lighting up itself and your face, it is lying locked up wasting it's life in here. You walked up and down the outside concrete stairs and earth beside this house bare foot, not willing to taint your soft, specially made shoes. Now that pair is still lying new , without having a fat cracked foot to stand under. Our  cupboard still confines your warmth, your essence, your smell amid each of its eight yard saree folds. The white polished walls carry your palm prints fair and unfaded.. I forgave each time when u blurted out mistakenly my brother's name instead of mine,. I remained calm when u soiled and coloured my white Lenin shirt in the name of washing, I rushed away as if unnoticed when u stealthy stuffed extra food into my tiffin box.. I didn't yell at you when those pickle bottles that u had slipped silently into my baggage stained my clothes.. but this time you have crossed it.. and I won't spare you for this!

Historic life you lived and most gracefully you did leave. But to our mystic world of fairy tale and abyss, a dead end this will always remain. And here, smoking your memories, adult by thine absence ..stoic and still I stand, indifferent to pleasure or pain.

The Detached Turtle

Hey Baby Turtle! Have you heard about your mother?

The Birth
On a cold bewitching night just as this, along with hundreds of others, your mom hatched out gazing up, looking at those stars up there. She was drawn by the chemistry of waters and hustling currents into the sea ahead, well but then, who would'nt? Dodging all predators imaginable, she carried herself into the turbulent waters knowing little about her tough "Lost Years" ahead.

The Juvenile Age
The vast ocean held multitudes enough to teach her, to test her and gift her. Knowing less about her strength, she surfed mercilessly across the brine all through her " Lost Years" in search of forage, in search of mate, in search of herself!

The Adult
She was wandering breathlessly without any dream, desire or direction until you! In you , your mom found her purpose baby. Carrying you within, she urged to return to this same land where she was born, to honor her birth. So that way, after years of expedition, she anchored herself on this shore to nest you.

After nesting, she buried you all intact beneath the sand under the grasp of nature. Just for those few minutes, however exhausted, she gave you all the care that she could offer. She disguised the nest flat, danced over it, dusted off the trace along with her tears and scrolled back into the oceans, leaving you once for all!

That was your mother, my baby girl...

And it's your turn now. You have an entire ocean ahead to swim over. Off you go my child. And remember to return back like your mother! Strong! Duty bond! and DETACHED!

The Queen of hearts and the Ace of spade

She was the Queen of hearts and he was the Ace of spade.

She was a temple of unwavering joy, 
and he a city of structured chaos.

She was a lavish allure and he a serene temptation.

She flare with a dazzling glam while he held a subtle charm.

She was a polite “No” and he was a prompt “yes”!

She stone people with truth and he leave them in musing silence.

She was a dome of endless doubts,
while he drown himself with brimming trust.

She was a storming vibe and he was a calm breeze.

But then all their differences vanished in a blink, 

when the Ace went down on his knees and the queen fell head over heals.

Hmm,.... Nothing! K.

I am actually busy with other important things, but “Hmm”. This same story I have heard from you a million times, but “hmm”. We have done enough chit chats for the day, but “hmm”. You are wholesomely boring, but “hmm”. I know you won’t leave me alone for now, still “hmm”. I can’t be rude, though I want to, so “hmm”."Hmmmmm", will you ever let me sleep in peace? We both are equally messed up, but “hmm” you top me for now. I am sorry, but I really don’t know what to say for this, “hmm”. You can tell me anything and everything, and I am always there for you to listen and “hmm”.

Nothing, because you really don’t care. Nothing! Because it’s the same long uninteresting story. Nothing, because I am too lazy to type. Nothing, because it’s better if we don’t discuss that. Nothing, because I don’t want you to bother. Nothing, because it’s none of your business. Nothing! Because it’s really NOTHING!

The single letter that tells so little, yet so much. The “one letter” answer with mixed set of emotions. Which is always clear in what it conveys, though it leaves you yearning for more. This letter never pretends. It cuts things right there and doesn’t keep you hanging in doubts. A single letter that dam long flowing advices. Highly explicit and outspoken, but again it can be extremely inscrutable as well. This single letter leaves you with no other choice, but to concede! It drains all your energy from continuing further. The letter without any effort empowers the speaker over the listener simply by being on the former’s side. The upper case K! The ultimatum to conversations.

A Letter To My Future Self

Dear future me...

Well and wish the same from you.

It’s been a while since you are tangling in my thoughts. I tell you, this isn’t the first time!  You have disturbed me many times in my past. You have silenced and eloped me from myself for a longer pace than this, even before. Still, I never attempted something like this before and I don’t have the temerity to question my conclusion, even now!! But this raucous silence and my inquisitive self is not ready to keep calm anymore and has prompted me to write this. I do not expect any reply from you. I very well know that even if you would ever bother to reply, “PATIENCE” will be the only word you will be typing back. Still I am here gathering all my strength and brains to open up to you, wanting answers from you. Because, only you know my entire story. Because I trust your diligence, more than anything else. Also because, you will not easy my test.  I know for sure that, you will never endeavor to change anything, in spite of knowing every minuscule details about my past present and future.

As I write this, I sense a better connect with you and please know that this is profoundly soothing. Just this one way conversation with you makes me feel so much dearly at home. Not just comfort, your this acquaintance has inspired me too. You have taught that to stay reliable, modest, keep secrets and build trust is hard, yet possible. However obscure you are, my past has set one thing clear and vivid upon me. That, you are half of what I allow to happen and half of what I can’t control. And over time I am learning to shape your each half. The first half with resilience and the other half with untarnished faith. I am proud and most obliged by the fact that you are always a better person than I am.  

Looking forward to be you

Longingly,

Yours

Present Me.

She chose 'Not to'

   

She can slaughter the land and bleed the skies

to protect what she cares for.
She can choke oceans and chop down mountains while chasing her dreams.
She can just banish light and engulf darkness
if she prefers to be left alone.
She can unveil her moon and scrap off his craters,
dust the galaxy and rearrange the stars.

But she just chose not to.

She choose patience over chaos.
She chose to be fragile and curb down her rage of desire.
And that fire of hers, stiffened as rock, condensed as azure, 

poured down as rivers and blew as breeze.

Though this rejuvenation was enormously beautiful and eternal bliss,

Her true dreams were gently forgone.

Yet, She chose not to and remained less herself, for a greater good.
To suffice life. 

..........................................

“The Border…It must be a beautiful place"

Life is not a bed of roses to anyone out here. But yours is a way harder than the rest. I understand how much you craved for a normal life.., to get up every morning with little regrets, counting your bliss, fight with your siblings, shout at your mom, glance through whatever the media proclaims as headlines, rush to office, tackle your manager, discuss salary, hike, and politics with colleagues, crack jokes, laugh hard, relish meal, sleep well, enjoy rain, hide pain, love and gift love. You, like the rest of us should bare lighter burdens such as family, health and career. And you should be tackling much broader problems like traffic, pollution and climate change daily. I now sense why you were indifferent towards technology and trendz, why Carnatic music was not your concern, why it was that hard for you to sink with normalcy. Why??!

Why because war was happening at your place. It was war then! It is! And it will prolong….  Not like bold, brave, open war as it was in the past, but filthy ones called terrorism. I am no more curious about the making of bombs, nor I go tracking the media buss about various attacks, not interested to investigate the ground reality or debate that it’s all just a political drama. Because any discussion on this, bleach me with grief. Because to me, terrorism is no more just a news. When all this happens around me, I simply sit wondering what you will be going through there and why?! You, like the rest of us deserve peace of mind, warmth in company, harmony with your own thoughts and a life filled with simplest of joys. Now after knowing you, seeing the way you solve math, explain things, play cricket and prank people, the whole country is my second concern. I recollect our days together and realize how much it meant to you. I now understand why you just smiled, when I said we will plan a vacation at your place. I understand why you came this far to pursue studies and why you wanted to go back to your place that badly. I now understand why you didn’t speak much about your past or future. The grave truth. I understand all of it only now my friend…..Now after knowing you, when someone fear about the border, I say “The Border … It must be a beautiful place, because my friend lives there……”