In memory of my Rajathi..

You built a mystic world for me and almost effortlessly became my home. A world that was naive and biased. Biased in favour of me. Where everything was absolute and understood. Where , even most fragile of beings would gain strength, simply by thy touch, by thy glare, and now.. by thy memory.

Vision did fade from those oceanic eyes, but it still flared with voice! Your raw and recklessly hanging wrinkles which i used to pull and play, your protruding green veins, countable strands of hair, your hard grown nails and rubber tooth, your suspicious stare, your body wobbling laughter, your sitting and sleeping, your slow reading, your pathetic singing, your eye flooding giggle, your shy, your tickle and every miniscule detail of your top to toe housed such high degree of cuteness that any fastidious creature would easily fall and sink into!

 Alas! What a loss  for thy precious five stone mookuthi! Instead of shining up on your nose, lighting up itself and your face, it is lying locked up wasting it's life in here. You walked up and down the outside concrete stairs and earth beside this house bare foot, not willing to taint your soft, specially made shoes. Now that pair is still lying new , without having a fat cracked foot to stand under. Our  cupboard still confines your warmth, your essence, your smell amid each of its eight yard saree folds. The white polished walls carry your palm prints fair and unfaded.. I forgave each time when u blurted out mistakenly my brother's name instead of mine,. I remained calm when u soiled and coloured my white Lenin shirt in the name of washing, I rushed away as if unnoticed when u stealthy stuffed extra food into my tiffin box.. I didn't yell at you when those pickle bottles that u had slipped silently into my baggage stained my clothes.. but this time you have crossed it.. and I won't spare you for this!

Historic life you lived and most gracefully you did leave. But to our mystic world of fairy tale and abyss, a dead end this will always remain. And here, smoking your memories, adult by thine absence ..stoic and still I stand, indifferent to pleasure or pain.

The Detached Turtle

Hey Baby Turtle! Have you heard about your mother?

The Birth
On a cold bewitching night just as this, along with hundreds of others, your mom hatched out gazing up, looking at those stars up there. She was drawn by the chemistry of waters and hustling currents into the sea ahead, well but then, who would'nt? Dodging all predators imaginable, she carried herself into the turbulent waters knowing little about her tough "Lost Years" ahead.

The Juvenile Age
The vast ocean held multitudes enough to teach her, to test her and gift her. Knowing less about her strength, she surfed mercilessly across the brine all through her " Lost Years" in search of forage, in search of mate, in search of herself!

The Adult
She was wandering breathlessly without any dream, desire or direction until you! In you , your mom found her purpose baby. Carrying you within, she urged to return to this same land where she was born, to honor her birth. So that way, after years of expedition, she anchored herself on this shore to nest you.

After nesting, she buried you all intact beneath the sand under the grasp of nature. Just for those few minutes, however exhausted, she gave you all the care that she could offer. She disguised the nest flat, danced over it, dusted off the trace along with her tears and scrolled back into the oceans, leaving you once for all!

That was your mother, my baby girl...

And it's your turn now. You have an entire ocean ahead to swim over. Off you go my child. And remember to return back like your mother! Strong! Duty bond! and DETACHED!

The Queen of hearts and the Ace of spade

She was the Queen of hearts and he was the Ace of spade.

She was a temple of unwavering joy, 
and he a city of structured chaos.

She was a lavish allure and he a serene temptation.

She flare with a dazzling glam while he held a subtle charm.

She was a polite “No” and he was a prompt “yes”!

She stone people with truth and he leave them in musing silence.

She was a dome of endless doubts,
while he drown himself with brimming trust.

She was a storming vibe and he was a calm breeze.

But then all their differences vanished in a blink, 

when the Ace went down on his knees and the queen fell head over heals.

Hmm,.... Nothing! K.

I am actually busy with other important things, but “Hmm”. This same story I have heard from you a million times, but “hmm”. We have done enough chit chats for the day, but “hmm”. You are wholesomely boring, but “hmm”. I know you won’t leave me alone for now, still “hmm”. I can’t be rude, though I want to, so “hmm”."Hmmmmm", will you ever let me sleep in peace? We both are equally messed up, but “hmm” you top me for now. I am sorry, but I really don’t know what to say for this, “hmm”. You can tell me anything and everything, and I am always there for you to listen and “hmm”.

Nothing, because you really don’t care. Nothing! Because it’s the same long uninteresting story. Nothing, because I am too lazy to type. Nothing, because it’s better if we don’t discuss that. Nothing, because I don’t want you to bother. Nothing, because it’s none of your business. Nothing! Because it’s really NOTHING!

The single letter that tells so little, yet so much. The “one letter” answer with mixed set of emotions. Which is always clear in what it conveys, though it leaves you yearning for more. This letter never pretends. It cuts things right there and doesn’t keep you hanging in doubts. A single letter that dam long flowing advices. Highly explicit and outspoken, but again it can be extremely inscrutable as well. This single letter leaves you with no other choice, but to concede! It drains all your energy from continuing further. The letter without any effort empowers the speaker over the listener simply by being on the former’s side. The upper case K! The ultimatum to conversations.

A Letter To My Future Self

Dear future me...

Well and wish the same from you.

It’s been a while since you are tangling in my thoughts. I tell you, this isn’t the first time!  You have disturbed me many times in my past. You have silenced and eloped me from myself for a longer pace than this, even before. Still, I never attempted something like this before and I don’t have the temerity to question my conclusion, even now!! But this raucous silence and my inquisitive self is not ready to keep calm anymore and has prompted me to write this. I do not expect any reply from you. I very well know that even if you would ever bother to reply, “PATIENCE” will be the only word you will be typing back. Still I am here gathering all my strength and brains to open up to you, wanting answers from you. Because, only you know my entire story. Because I trust your diligence, more than anything else. Also because, you will not easy my test.  I know for sure that, you will never endeavor to change anything, in spite of knowing every minuscule details about my past present and future.

As I write this, I sense a better connect with you and please know that this is profoundly soothing. Just this one way conversation with you makes me feel so much dearly at home. Not just comfort, your this acquaintance has inspired me too. You have taught that to stay reliable, modest, keep secrets and build trust is hard, yet possible. However obscure you are, my past has set one thing clear and vivid upon me. That, you are half of what I allow to happen and half of what I can’t control. And over time I am learning to shape your each half. The first half with resilience and the other half with untarnished faith. I am proud and most obliged by the fact that you are always a better person than I am.  

Looking forward to be you

Longingly,

Yours

Present Me.

She chose 'Not to'

   

She can slaughter the land and bleed the skies

to protect what she cares for.
She can choke oceans and chop down mountains while chasing her dreams.
She can just banish light and engulf darkness
if she prefers to be left alone.
She can unveil her moon and scrap off his craters,
dust the galaxy and rearrange the stars.

But she just chose not to.

She choose patience over chaos.
She chose to be fragile and curb down her rage of desire.
And that fire of hers, stiffened as rock, condensed as azure, 

poured down as rivers and blew as breeze.

Though this rejuvenation was enormously beautiful and eternal bliss,

Her true dreams were gently forgone.

Yet, She chose not to and remained less herself, for a greater good.
To suffice life. 

..........................................

“The Border…It must be a beautiful place"

Life is not a bed of roses to anyone out here. But yours is a way harder than the rest. I understand how much you craved for a normal life.., to get up every morning with little regrets, counting your bliss, fight with your siblings, shout at your mom, glance through whatever the media proclaims as headlines, rush to office, tackle your manager, discuss salary, hike, and politics with colleagues, crack jokes, laugh hard, relish meal, sleep well, enjoy rain, hide pain, love and gift love. You, like the rest of us should bare lighter burdens such as family, health and career. And you should be tackling much broader problems like traffic, pollution and climate change daily. I now sense why you were indifferent towards technology and trendz, why Carnatic music was not your concern, why it was that hard for you to sink with normalcy. Why??!

Why because war was happening at your place. It was war then! It is! And it will prolong….  Not like bold, brave, open war as it was in the past, but filthy ones called terrorism. I am no more curious about the making of bombs, nor I go tracking the media buss about various attacks, not interested to investigate the ground reality or debate that it’s all just a political drama. Because any discussion on this, bleach me with grief. Because to me, terrorism is no more just a news. When all this happens around me, I simply sit wondering what you will be going through there and why?! You, like the rest of us deserve peace of mind, warmth in company, harmony with your own thoughts and a life filled with simplest of joys. Now after knowing you, seeing the way you solve math, explain things, play cricket and prank people, the whole country is my second concern. I recollect our days together and realize how much it meant to you. I now understand why you just smiled, when I said we will plan a vacation at your place. I understand why you came this far to pursue studies and why you wanted to go back to your place that badly. I now understand why you didn’t speak much about your past or future. The grave truth. I understand all of it only now my friend…..Now after knowing you, when someone fear about the border, I say “The Border … It must be a beautiful place, because my friend lives there……”   

 

At Least for once, if you could Listen....

This is a note to you. A miss you note,.To tell how much I want us back to tangle together and doze off to sleep without knowing when. May be I never expressed the deep reluctance that used to press me down each morning as I pull you aside, when getting up. I don’t know if you have ever noticed the smile across my face, when I get up forgetting you being there and then you would pull me down back reminding me that you are still there. I loved it when my both hands were busy and you gladly gave all yourself to beguile me without disturbing the rest.

Without a pinch of possessiveness, u took care that I am connected to all my peers amid other busy businesses. A ride with you on, is all I need to get back to cheers after any chaos. A suffocating crowd or a road not taken, I would joyfully travel lifelong, if only with you. I still remember every single incident when you annoyed me, keeping the things I need right then rolled and tied within your grasp and not giving it unless I get into a fight with you. You put me to sleep whispering melodies and continued it, aware or unaware that I am into my dreams already. Serenity or seduction, sadness or sweetness, you press it right into my ears and take me to a world of ours alone. With you, it was a unique music experience. You were the second voice of my mind, always singing what I longed to listen. I tried moving on with other guys , of your similar kind, but it never worked the way we were. Because you were the only one as hard as skull and sweet as candy! It was a big mistake that I lost you...

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Till the end, it was you who did all the talking, and I silently listened.. So one first and last time, Listen!! .
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Hey my #headphones#earphones#Hands Free#!! For once if you could listen, "Please get back to me". ;-) :-p

The PCPs Monomania!!

“Brush your teeth and bath twice a day!.. “

 “Wash your bowl first thing in the morning and use soap to clean your hands every time you use toilets… Keep your nails trim and tidy. ..” 

“Go, Cut your hair Messy!.. “

“Y are your cloths this shabby?! Did you roll on the ground even today!?..”

In every normal household, the little ones get to listen to these mantras on a regular basis. These basic lessons of cleanliness are no more lectured in wealthy schools, because even the new born there, knows all this well.

Human race has greatly evolved and so is the legacy of cleanliness in the minds of people. “Dent has advised to brush at least twice. So I will brush with gun care in the morning and with the super sensitive before bed. And for safer side, will brush third time with the salt, clove and neem combo during the day. But I need extra care during my nightouts na?, teeth will be the much more visible in the dark right. So then an extra visible white plus is obviously a must!” Ooof!.. Watchout darling! You Brush and brush and there is hardly any enamel left in there. And after this there is mouth wash and handy mouth spray. But why?? May be because, it must smell good even when you spit!

They roll out meters of tissues daily just to crush and throw into the bin because everyone is doing it. If food is to be taken by hands, then it must be flavored with hand sanitizer these days. Every day after bath there is that rising mist fog, deo and spray all over the room. It’s a restless feel, if that suffocating scent bottle is empty and there isn’t any stock at home. And yaeh now everyone is a celebrity.  It’s not signature anymore, fans ask for selfies boss!! So your normal skin will need oil balance, dryness check, and milk and moisture control at regular intervals. When your granny runs behind to oil your hair shrub. There is a shrill!! ”Oh stop it Granny! My head is no engine! :-p. I am maintaining it with beer shampoo, cream, gel, spray and serum. Don’t touch and spoil it, pleeese” OMG! It’s after all Hair buddy!

You have cream for your nails, balm, glue, stick and paste for your lips, special talc for face, nose, chin and each body part separate! Eyes, the most beautiful part of your face has got an exclusive list for the lashes, lid, and the dark circles around. And if you think am talking about the all-girls stuff, sorry you have got it wrong. All the above mentioned list holds brands for men too. If this craze for personal care products (PCPs) continues, the great Ganges and every other water stream will soon run foaming with  sweet alluring aromas! But unfortunately the fishes aren’t used to these cosmetic brands yet. So is the case with every other land and entire aquatic community.

 It’s weird and contradictory that this same country is well known for open defecation. We still have thousands of school dropouts because those schools doesn’t have a proper toilet. These two contradictory issues concerning the environment and society, should be viewed with a broad and deep perspective. Please guys, Get your cleanliness and beauty legacy right!

# this is a repost from my linked# 

The MORNING FOWL, THE NIGHT OWL AND THE ALL DAY SLEEPING GROWL!!

When sun has just begun to blush and his mild blaze is tickling your eyes. . When the meadows are just out from their all night bath, and are dripping with dew and delight. When the cloud ball is set to dance with the horizon wearing her dazzling orange dress.

When the dawn chorus is already chirping melodies into the blossoming buds and when freshness is breezing with the air all over. This rising dawn camp is definitely not to be missed! Let the warm feet feel the first touch of chill and let your day begin with a sweet coffee flavored loneliness. Let all thirst and hunger of the previous night, now get quenched. This perfect “Me time” is the best thing to start your every day with. 

When the phantom dark has just set in and silence has began to churn your thoughts. When the alluring moon is pouring her charm and the sprinkled star sand is glistening on the black carpet floor. When the distant screech is sending vibe across your spine and memories are playing rhythm into your ears. When the bed and comfort is calling you to cuddle up and rewind your best. When that dim light delicacy is bewitching the room and every soul is seduced by the sensual sleep.Just don’t slumber and deadlock your day, don't kill your genius and crucify your creative self. These “Brilliant nights” are the best possible time to debate with yourself. So travel in those nights, chase your dreams and know your depths.

“The early morning fowl and late night owl! But then, when to sleep, doze or snooze? “Well you have a long stretch of routine daytime before. So pull a chair, clear a table and couch there.

Take a power nap when and where ever you please. :-p. Dark circled eyes, fallen chin, tired grin and a sleepy conscious and still will can get those daily lectures right.. ;-)

 It’s just that this ordinary pace doesn’t deserve your fullest!! So its okay to be a sleepy head all day. But rise and shine Calvin! Rise and shine! During the budding dawn and sinking nights!