The Irony called women

She was dutiful, but then… she also dreamt!

Always into that crack of conscience, her budding dreams bent.

She is a testament to resilience, drenched with doubts.

Because every night her unspoken fears, silently sprouts.

She is a whirlwind of energy never needing to stop,

But why this feeling of aloofness, within her often pop?

She is a mix of gems, polished and raw.

Like a zig zag puzzle, she is perfectly fitted without a flaw.

She is an untold tapestry abruptly cut,

Because her relentless critic, Mr. Guilt keeps her shut.

She is an unyielding shadow beckoning for hope,

Pure as dark, she is also an addictive dope.

Goddess she is! With boundless fierce and fragility combined.

Celebrate as and when her symphony of might and retreat, unwind!

As her duality evolves, equally embracing both light and shade,

The playful and poignant irony called women, is beautifully made.

 

 

Motherhood: The story of "He has got your eyes!!!"

 I am not a person who remembers exact dates....and I am also lazy to count back now ....but my basic math and my bit of intuition says we are nearing it somewhere...Ya!! 1000 days of motherhood!

 I remember the day I first mentioned about my pregnancy to my manager.... All he said was "tighten your seat belts child!” That was one right advice! So true he was. Kids are indispensable means of joy!! Their countless questions, excellent observations and astonishing statements!!! .. Their tendency to   own things, crave for independence, learn super quickly and ask for what they want, without hesitation or guilt! oooh we so much aspire to be like them sometimes. And their unmatchable energy!! Within half an hour, my one will empty the entire bottle of oil into the sofa cushions, mix and leave pepper corns, jeera and dhal , dust kgs of atta on the entire floor and all over him head to toe and then suddenly within minutes get cranky and sleep off without touching his sun, star and moon dosa!! He is an energy bomb!!(As my friend puts)

   I feel that the past year had been the quickest in my life... (though I have been having this same feeling every new year eve for quite a few years now...) Time is definitely crazy flying and kids grow freaking fast! But there is so much sweetness in relishing every single moment with them, which no speedy time can ever take away. There is so much sweetness in being part of the process too. The miracle called creation, birth and nurturing. There have been times I have demanded equal workload to god for both men and women... but now I seriously feel sorry for men for missing out a big part of this bliss.

Mothers in general, wish their kids to be the same...as their tiny little bundle of joy forever.  But I differ with them here... Our bond is enriching day by day and we are growing together. I can't say, “It’s as if I held him for the first time "Just yesterday".... because there is so much that has happened in between!! When I think of that first time holding him, his subsequent milestones also roll by... be it moments that felt him detach and swim away from me... moments that gathered and held me tight... And there are moments that reassured and carried me all along with him.... Moments that brought me close and indefinitely indebted to many lovely people. (Covid lockdown was a blessing in disguise for that part. We all got more time to be together.

Motherhood... It’s the story of weight gain, hair loss, cracks and bleeds. But.... it's also the story of “He has got your eyes....!" It's not just the story of sleepless nights, thirst and fatigue. It’s also the story of knitting cute little socks and mittens, planning parties choosing blue trousers for his first beach, green camouflage for his first hike and so on... It’s not just the story of tantrums and traumas but the story of holding close, protecting and help pass hard times. It's indeed the story of mood swings, self-doubts and postpartum. But it’s also the story of supportive and understanding men. It’s the story of “the power of best friends”. Your cousins, your little niece and nephew come to care and comfort you... And most important of all, it’s not just the story of the mother and baby. It’s the story of the new mother's mother as well. Just like parents are born with the baby, grandparents are born too! It's the story of the family tree. Also the entire health care team... It’s the story of the whole collective society!  It’s the story of both sacrifice and celebrations of mankind!!

(PS: 27th July, 2022 marks my 1000 days of motherhood)

Click the following link to read my 100 days of motherhood!!

Life Rewards: A Recital

 Life is so exclusively dark and yet so much filled with little pieces of light. It is not a bed of roses, but a bunch of rewards. We have to pay prices to earn each of those. But whether it is worth the price, is up on us to choose. 

Some are like the participation certificate. They are the most under rated ones of the lot. They are neither given a place inside our filing cabinet, nor can they be thrashed. Your heart just doesn't allow that. Because they are the remnants of those fun times, which gave you chance to shine before other college guests, your next department crush and junior fans. Also to escape monotonous lectures, class tests and hostel food. Knowingly or not, we gained rich experiences and priceless friendships in this process. But did we know that it was these certificates, which marked our story of "Game On" ? They pulled us out from the crowd of spectators and put us on track! 

Few are like consolation prize. In short, it tells us the story of "It's OK" .  Life is not fair, they say. But not always, I will add. It cares for our innocence, it recognises us simply for our efforts. It acknowledges us because we did try. And sometimes, just when we lose all hope and are about to quit, it throws us a wild card. It gives us an extra bonus, a consolation prize! And pulls us back on game, telling "the game is still on..  

Next is the "Runner -Up", and theirs is the story of " Almost". Like that loud sigh of missing a catch! It is the most fascinating tale of all, because it holds both the taste of triumph and that little tinge of sadness. But their story of success is often unheard and under celebrated.  Though entitled only as second, it is they who spice the game, keeping double million eyes unblinking. After all, the degree of winner's joy depends on how tough a fight the runner-up offers!

It is then, The Winner and theirs is the story of "Hence proved". Proving to others and more importantly to one self. One attribute of this rewards is that it bestows you with a wave of relief. You are relieved that this race has well ended and you don't have to run this same track all over again. That there is no repeat mode. It is after this serene sensation that multitude feeling of joy follows. Having said all that, one must also agree that this is not the ultimatum. Practically, no reward is! Because the game of life is not ruled that way. 

Last in our list of rewards is the mementos and return gifts. It sings the story of "honor". Life rewards us for staying grounded till the end. They are relics of our glorious victory and indebted failures, of playgrounds we once ruled, stage we gracefully crossed. We can not be participants here again, how much ever so we wish. We are here only to sit back and enjoy the show. Because though our game is still on, it's elsewhere, on a different ground....

Poems are hard to come by

Poems are hard to come by....
Hard it is, to sit back and write when duty buzz round the clock.
When mundane routine revolves around your spine.
To draw inspiration from a locked down world is indeed difficult. 

Poems are hard to come by...
Harder it is to compose verses. Verses that rhyme or those which are unrhymed.
It's actually tough to bring words together that make sense, when life itself doesn't . 
To articulate thoughts when minds is flooded already with enough to process.

Poems are hard to come by....
It's hard as bringing ideas into action. 
It's harder than quitting a habit. 

It's even harder than losing fat!

The harder you try, the harder it gets.

But hardest of all is to restrain from writing, when a poem does come by...!

The 3 A.M. drama

 You either perceive all at once or nothing at all.

Everything hurts or feels extremely blissful.

You turn utmost kind and greatful or you judge and do the envy thing.

You want to fly high and touch the moon or just hit bed and never get up.

You are bouncing with inspiration and possibilities or sinking into utter dismay. 

Casual words cut you deep or you remain indifferent to the entire happenings.

Your past fits perfect and future seems set or you are stacked with anxieties and regrets.

From next day you want to diet and detox but right now you crave for rich caffeine and extra cheese junk.

You wanna shop hard and lavishly spend or shed styles and become some simple saint.

This way, you relax your reins and let your mind and heart sing in unison , the glory of extreme emotions.

Because you know one thing for sure. That it will be morning again and all this 3 am drama will fade away....

RoMa's Roars Relished and Recited!

She has her pink summer solstice and her spring is he.
Also, a little average of her own, she got for free.
Though her first love is always coffee,
Her one day's blossom is me.
And my thorns she omits to see.
As her unmatched shade of grey, I artsy.
and at times in her joy of nothings I glee.
My darling child is she and her wicked witch is "Me".
Collectively a masala mash up is we.
Her lover is no mystery and his affair is her main misery
She says love can never harm, only to turtles may be.
Alas! Her dearest is in disguise, knew not she.
She treasures the flabby one that remains, but her perfect ring did flee.
Oh! In this vicious cycle of life, only she could love the lost, one must agree.

Checklists checked and yet if your plans spill, she calls it a bliss still.
One moment she is the kill and shortly later she makes you immortal with her skill.
Yes! To be one sweet sound of irony is my lady's will!
When life is wrecked and each day is a drill.
And when way across seems all uphill.
She tries to fit in the mould and fill
If not,  choose to handshake and part your bill.
Because she has always got her gulmohar getaways to chill!

She gets wise and high watching an eagle fly.
Petitions she write to your sunlight,
To re-align it's daylight and shine bright.
She paves you a road to delight and
In between hides the bait,somewhere tied tight.
She has got a memory curse, remembers even the remnant of scents you disperse.
Under her Kajal smudge, there is so much sorrow and misjudge.
Because unasked burdens she carry and about his thirty three she worry. 

Insanity and insecurities made her draught.
Deep conversations she "Then" sought,
With persons who owns her heart.
But only with muted screams she fought
And only deepest cut she got,
Waiting for what!? even she knew not.
So to blame it on time was her only resort,
Because thoughts and contemplation did naught.
Beware and be aware,  she self-taught.
In immaterial books and train journey, love she got.
And food did comfort her a lot.

Thus running against the world, she took halt.
Life, love and laughter into it's handicapped land she brought!
Dancing gracefully, mastering every beating heart.
Through Zoya's stories, her childhood back she caught.
Happiness beckoned, in celebration of her art.
How beautiful life has changed since then...I  always thought.
Ya! With me she belong, and I will love her no matter what! 

My better half - A disguised poetry

I am smart and beautiful they say,  and he celebrates me not just for that.
I have not changed much, and that as his success he claims.
He knows my flaws, the very details of where I lack and yet,  honors me not any less.
He leaps forward at my every drawback.
He is not a gift wrapper,  but a neat lamination.
He has no surprises nor secrets.
He is simple with no complex
A closed book of riddle I am,  and he trusts me nevertheless.
A detached lone side I own and he equally respects all my shades.
Not just me,  he immensely cares my everybody.
And he loves me an inch more than I could ever love him back.
My better half he is and at times my better whole.
And each day with him, I am a better self!

Your absolute love and my everything pure!

Planets I rule and their holding gravity is you!

 The entire sky and sea is me and you it's every shade of blue.

Creator I am and my intellect is you.

My great battles all know, but  my untold glory is you.

All three world's chasm I am,  and it's churned goodness is you.

Just a belief I am, the innocence behind that is all you. 

Heavenly bliss I am,  my heart's yearning is you.

Life events I am,  my little celebrations you are.

I live through yugas and this each beat of heart is you.

World architect I am,  my artistry is you. 

Oceans, my hands clasp.., the outflowing nectar is you.

Earth's eternal music I am, and my every breath is you.

I can grow billion parsec huge,  but that distance between my eyes is always you.

Oh Radha! Your absolute love I am and my everything pure is you....

Just a glance away

May be my this bond with the sky started when I was too young.  Too young to know and understand when or how it began. We have memories together which I don't even know had existed.  We might have started from unexpected meetings, when someone asked me to look up pointing at mystic stars or confusing cloud patterns. This might have lead to occasional glaces and then planned meetings.

 I grew and the sky grew closer to me along.  We have spent addictive nights and attractive days together wandering wild with the wind. We have sat back chilling under the breeze with stars and have let the sun color our faces tan.  We have watched moon phase in and out. We have seen passing clouds,  handled complex comets, fallible rainstorms and feckless weather patterns.  We have fallen hopelessly in love with innumerable sunsets.  And I know that we will continue to have more of all these in the days ahead.

But so much between me and the sky is not because we get to be along all the time.  In fact, our time together is too minimum to get enough of. It's because we have this instincts working. When ever the sky is alluring, it's as if I get a call from there above to look up.  Even during days when I am locked up inside,  something pushes me to peek out to glance at the beautiful sky. And that glance leaves me changed.  With enrichment.. With awe.. With all new zest.  With which I would run for few days, until we get to glance at it the next time. I also have a constant part of sky for myself..  The one through my window. There the sky is there for me always. During out of the blue 3 am conversations with pouring dreams and sleepless nights with soothing darkness , during early mornings with warmth and spicy afternoons with shade. Sometimes so clear, stary and moonlit. Sometimes wavery, heavy clouded and confused. Sometimes all blue,  sometimes grey and recklessly red sometimes.  But it's ever beautiful. Ya the sky..  it's there always, just a glance away.  So much there that I can call it mine!

The Art of Life

The Art of Diplomacy

You need this to win people . It's all about the knack of playing well with words at the perfect time. All great leaders are great orators first. The right words have remained as the spark that ignited rebellions and also the ultimate weapon that had ended many wars! Ever since language took shape as the means of communication, humans have fallen for words, women in particular. There can be nothing as seducing as a beautiful conversation. It's about telling what people want to hear, as my wise friend always says. Arguments are fine, they help you drag people into a conversation. But you are in serious trouble if you do not know to end it well. It is said that, truth can be stated in a thousand different ways. So why not be diplomatic and choose the nicest way to say it?

The Art of Pretending

This gets you viral. It's about how you showcase things. You had one wreck of experience that day, but you post it as a "hilarious adventure".  You are boiling with nervousness inside at your interview, but you pretend to be confident. Your sweet friends have planned a surprise party for you and you pretend that it was a great surprise. You well know that it was not funny, but you just smile away.. You pretend that you don't care anymore.., you pretend that you are okay.., you pretend that you are over it.., you pretend that you are happy..,You pretend, pretend and gradually you become!  The art is about being nice, making your first impression look good. This of course is just a time being mask, but it definitely helps you to start with, to quickly settle down into newness. Once you sink in, you can always be completely yourself. 

The Art of Choosing

Life is a tricky gamer. Haven't we all had times when everything happened at once. When all doors open at the same time and we didn't know which one to go for?  Making the right choice is a challenge always. There often comes a tug of war between following passion and fulfilling commitments. Not only when things are at stake, its equally important to take the correct decisions when everything is going good. And we need not always choose the "road not taken". We don't have to play the "being unique " game, forever. What is the point in doing "out of the ordinary" if that doesn't make us feel right? At the end, the art lies in choosing what makes us happy. It's about what we prioritise in our everyday routine. It's about knowing which reins to hold on tight and which to let go... 

The art of Patience

Sometimes all you can do is just "wait". It is during this time that our brain works tremendously. We will have bunch of ideas sparkling and all of those will seem fabulous. But we are badly tied up and won't be able to execute any. That is how time tests us.  It cripples down all the excitement. The wait for a result is hard. Even harder is the wait before we begin something. And the worse is the in between halt. Something that was started, but it took a pause even before it hardly reached anywhere. This holds true, both in work life and relationships. The art of patience is about how composed we are during that wait. It lies in working out endless number of times in our mind and never getting tired of it. It's about keeping the inner fire kindled until The Day actually arrives!

The Art of Acceptance

Everything gets down to this. The ultimate key to happiness. The first step and complete process towards self love. The Art of Acceptance. Say you played all the drama nice, you worked hard and smart, made the right choices and waited patiently. But still sometimes things don't work the way you wanted. Then is when you keep calm and learn to accept. Grass may or may not be greener the other side, but you have to quit bothering about that side and accept the way it is your side. And once you enter this realm of acceptance, infinite possibilities unravel. You bestow yourself with unmatchable power and master immense peace. Like nothing can pull you down.  You become the core of happiness and radiate pure joy. And that draws the entire universe towards you!

On another "Happy Valentine's Day"

The beach is brightly lit, red carpets drawn and round tables are beautifully set. Guests breeze, cameras click, gossips and giggles fill the air. Music is enriching the space and yet it's less soothing than the sound of distant waves. Like pearls, the bridegroom gleam upon the oyster white stage. She blush, he smiles and inside both adrenaline gush. Their long planned "destination wedding" was happening that day .

She is proud, she is tensed, she has all emotions at once. " Happy Valentine's day" he whispers as they exchange their wedding rings.  The crowd cheers and the party begins....

While back at home, her crony parents anxiously wait at the door, because their daughter still did not reach from office that day.

What to say, its just another "Happy Valentine's Day" !